Sunday, May 23, 2010

The G-Spot/Female Ejaculation

The G-Spot
The debate over the g-spot seems to never end. Does it exist, is it important, should it be talked about, does it have any usefulness? Definitive answers are rare, so while the experts debate, why not do your own research, and get to the heart (or would it be gheart) of the matter. Many women can stimulate their g-spot using their fingers. Some people will find it easier using a toy that is curved, either a dildo or a vibrator.

Time Required: You might find your g-spot immediately, or it could take several attempts. Don't pressure yourself.
Here's How:
  1. Avoid performance pressure about the "magic spot".
    People can become fixated on achieving a sexual goal (multiple orgasms, simultaneous orgasm, g-spot orgasms) One thing I can promise is that this is the best way to NOT enjoy any sort of sexual encounter. Remember that sexual exploration is mostly about the journey, not the destination (although the destination is better than most, I’ll agree). Try not to make this another notch in your “sexually self-actualized” belt.
  2. Turn yourself on.
    Any homework that starts with this is bound to be somewhat fruitful. The spongy area around the g-spot gets engorged with blood when you’re sexually aroused, so it is much easier to find and feel when you’re turned on. 
  3. Get comfortable and find the g-spot area.
    Lie on your back, squat, or lie on your stomach. Place your palm face down on your vulva and slowly insert a finger inside your vagina (use lube if you’re feeling a little dry), crooking it forward in a “come hither” motion. When you’re up to about the second knuckle you should feel a slightly bumpy or ridged area on the upper wall of your vagina.
  4. Notice how the g-spot feels.
    The texture of the g-spot area will likely be noticeably different from the typically smooth walls of the vagina. When you’re aroused it can expand, so feel it at different times during your arousal to get familiar with its contours and sensitivity. The g-spot responds to pressure, so press down and pull forward using that "come hither" motion with your fingers.
  5. Explore the g-spot with toys.
    For some it can be awkward to stimulate the g-spot by hand. A g-spot vibrator or dildo can be a great helper in this. Apply a little lube to your toy, and insert it with the tip (if it’s curved) pointing up toward the top wall of your vagina. Work it in slowly, far enough (a couple of inches) so the tip is pressing against your g-spot.
  6. Experiment with pressure and motion.
    Some women will find pressure against the g-spot pleasurable, some women like the feeling vibration when a toy is pressing against the g-spot. Experiment and see if either feels good for you. For most women, the g-spot responds to firm pressure. In the beginning, use your toy as if you were trying to scratch an itch—don’t pull the toy all the way out, but use short strokes, applying firm pressure, against the g-spot.
  7. Vary the movements.
    A circular or back-and-forth motion may be necessary to get you started, but you might soon graduate to a more vigorous thrusting. If you’ve got a vibrator, try playing with the vibrations both on and off to see which you like better. 
  8. Add clitoral stimulation to g-spot play.
    You’ll know you’re hitting the spot as you feel tingly sensations, the urge to pee, and an overall elevation in your arousal. When you feel the urge to come, stimulate your clitoris using your favorite method. Keep stroking your g-spot.
  9. Let go.
    With continued stimulation, you’ll eventually feel a sensation much like having to pee. This can be quite disconcerting at first, and has probably led plenty of women to abandon the process, but if you stick with it you’ll be in for a pleasant surprise. You may or may not ejaculate, but ejaculation is perfectly normal (and it's not urine).
  10. If you don’t at first orgasm, try try again. It can take several practice sessions before you notice any build up. Try varying your position, using a different toy, experimenting with breathing and kegel exercises (to strengthen your PC muscle), or having a partner help you. Because the g-spot is most responsive when aroused, you may also want to try stimulating it after you’ve had an orgasm.
  11. Remember the ear lobe.
    Experimenting with the g-spot can be fun, and you never know what you’ll learn in the process. But try not to get hung up on this being a mind-blowing experience. If you’re playing around and it’s not doing anything for you, try something else, and know that there is nothing wrong with you, and what turns us all on is incredibly individual and unique.

Female Ejaculation
Female ejaculation is the g-spot's kissing cousin when it comes to "is it real or is it fake" medical debates.

In one corner are the legions of doctors, who when asked, maintain that there is no way a woman can ejaculate. They point out that in their textbooks, and anatomy classes there are simply no structures to provide for this physiological experience. They say that if anything is happening, it's urination.
In the other corner there are arguably larger legions of women, women's health practitioners (including doctors), sex activists, a few scientists, and thousands or tens of thousands of women who say that it does exist.

There are no standards or rules for this. Some women are worried that they have incontinence and that they are peeing during sex, or specifically during orgasm. Some women have always been "very very wet" during arousal and climax, and like the way they respond. Because of the increased attention paid in the popular media to female ejaculation there are many women who want to know more, and are interested in trying to ejaculate.

The bottom line, as with all matters of sexual response and behavior is to avoid any sort of pressure to do something or experience something that doesn't feel right for you. If you do something that you think is ejaculating, and your happy with it, that's great. If you're concerned that you are "too wet" during sex, you should know that there is a very natural variation in the amount of vaginal lubrication that women produce, and getting wet is probably just a sign of healthy arousal. You can always have a towel handy if it's a real concern for you. And if you're interested in learning more about female ejaculation then you should go for it. Just try and avoid the pitfalls of performance pressure, and thinking that ejaculation is some magic bullet that will transform your sex life from humdrum to super fantastic. Of course it might do that, but counting on it is a sure way to miss important learning and experience along the way.

Here are a few tips gleaned from the experts:
  1. Empty your bladder first. The feeling just before ejaculating is similar to the feeling you have when you have to pee, but you want the urge to come on as a result of arousal and not a full bladder.
  2. Practice in a comfortable place. Many writers suggest that one of the reasons women don't ejaculate is that they hold back when the feel the urge to "release". To deal with this worry, you can try to practice in the bath or while sitting on the toilet. The idea is to lose your fear around the possibility that you might pee. (This seems as good a time as any to point out that peeing is not the end of the world, and many women who experience incontinence deal with this all the time. In the face of hot sex and a great orgasm, a little urine shouldn't get in the way!)
  3. Most people say that ejaculation will come on as a result of stimulating the paraurethral glands and/or the g-spot (urethral sponge).
  4. Stimulating the g-spot for any length of time will be easiest to do with a dildo or vibrator. Any toy that is firm, or one that is curved for g-spot stimulation will do.
  5. Use a lot of clitoral stimulation, but also stimulate your urethra by massaging inside the top of your vagina both around the opening and inside a few inches. Many women find urethral stimulation very pleasant in and of itself.
  6. Keeping up the clitoral stimulation you may also want to try and stimulate the g-spot . Some women like g-spot stimulation, others find it too sensitive, or don't feel much at all from this type of stimulation.
  7. Vary the strokes and the pressure and experiment with what feels good.
  8. As you are doing this you may feel the urge to pee (along with feeling very turned on). This is the experience many women say happens just prior to ejaculating. At this point most of the instruction manuals resort to phrases like "go with the flow" and "just let it out". It's hard to provide specific instruction on how to "go with the flow". The best I can offer is to follow the above guidelines and experiment on your own. Make sure you have fun doing it, and that every time you try, you give yourself a wonderful orgasm whether you ejaculate or not. If you want to know more there are several books and videos devoted to the subject worth checking out.
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